


Are You Always Angry?

by SmartCoffee



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anger, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Class Differences, Death, F/M, Family, Food, Healthy Relationships, Monogamy, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-09-19 12:31:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17001711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: This is a collection of short works and drabbles about the Avengers, spotlighting one Avenger at a time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more fun to come so please subscribe.

I'm not angry all the time.

Did you ever make spaghetti?

It takes a long time to boil.

Even when it boils, there are little clear bubbles

And the roaring white foam that overflows the pot.

Sometimes it's like that.

Ever seen a video of Mentos and Diet Coke?

It's like flicking a switch.

As soon as they touch, there's a spring of brown bubbles.

Sometimes it's like that.

Thanos scares me.

Ultron scares me.

But the one who scares me the most is me.

What if N Rom and I get married,

we're alone, having a moment,

she teases me casually - what if

I transform and throw her body against the wall?

Or what if Tony and I are on a mission

Some bad guys curse us out.

We neutralize them.

He makes some smart aleck comments.

It's all going fine.

But something in me is adding up these points.

I explode and rip off Stark's right arm.

It doesn't matter if I'm not angry all the time.

What I do in moments of anger is truly terrifying.

 

 

 


	2. Tony Is A Douche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Bruce Banner talking about Tony Stark.

I get angry with Tony  
but I don't brood over that  
because I understand it  
because Tony is a douche.  
He can tell a great joke  
\- his pranks are ridiculous:  
once Cap looked everywhere for his shield  
only to find that Tony  
had placed it atop a trashcan.  
Yet Tony cannot conceive of anyone  
being his equal.  
In Hulk Mode  
I could crush him like a pop can.  
In Banner Mode  
I could outscience him.  
Every now and then  
I see a look on his face  
for a split-second  
that tells me he worries about what I could do  
And that look is for me alone.


	3. Captain America: Man Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America speaks in this poem. He realizes his own sadness in leaving behind the world of the 1940s. He recognizes how more than one Avenger feels out of place for one reason or another.

Captain America: Man Out of Time

I used to get chocolate malts at Milo's on 47th.

There's a smoothie bar there now.

A restaurant just for fruit juice

I don't get it.

 

What am I?

Am I a ghost?

Am I a time traveler?

When I first met the Avengers

I didn't expect anyone to understand.

But Thor does

Thor finds Earth baffling sometimes.

But Thor knows who HE is.

Hulk gets it for the most part

Or he gets another side of it

Hulk knows he's not normal.

Of course Banner could write a paper on it

But even Hulk knows there's just one Hulk

I'm grateful there's a New York, any New York,

Especially after fighting the Chitauri tooth and nail

But it's not MY New York.

 

I once heard two men chatting,

going on about the sweet malts at Milo's:

They were heading for an assisted living home.


	4. Ant-Man: I Don't Believe It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ant-Man explains the skeptical outlook that shaped his life.

I was 15 and I thought everything was a lie  
Miss Thompson said we used smallpox  
to kill the Indians  
I realized that they lied to me when they said   
Everyone was equal in America  
I was getting a bad vibe for church for a while  
One day I thought, why did Jesus die for our sins  
if he was God?  
It didn't matter if he died every day, because he could come back.  
I guess I thought only bad people lied  
But once I knew my teachers and my pastor lied,  
it was like I couldn't trust anyone.  
I noticed my parents lying.  
I started hearing my friends lying.

So you can imagine  
years later  
when people told me I could shrink   
to the size of an ant  
and then fight on a team  
with a thunder god  
and a man in a robot suit  
I, um, took a while to accept that.

But if I'm just in the middle of video game  
or an incredible dream  
or a story someone else wrote  
I'll take it.


	5. Nick Fury: Purple and the Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanos puts Nick Fury in a mood.

Thanos can go fuck himself  
That purple Grimace lookin' muthafucka  
Killin' my fuckin' family?  
Nah, you betta think again.  
I didn't assemble the world's greatest fuckin' heroes  
Lose my fuckin' eye  
Just for a roided-out Mr. Clean  
To take all of it away

I'm comin for ya ass  
That ain't a threat.  
That's a fuckin' promise


	6. Deadpool: Katanas and Chimichangas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chimichanga is a burrito that's deep-fried like french fries. A katana is a sword. You might not recognize the word but if you've watched an action movie since 2010, you've seen one.

You might not think poetry is my bag  
But I'm smart, I'm cultured  
Sure I spend most of my time killing people  
And sure I don't eat any cuisine finer than a chimichanga

But I can write a bitchin' poem  
I could write a poem just about my katana  
Slender sliver of steel  
renders ruffians, hmm, umm  
I don't know, comatose  
So my wordsmithing needs work  
Poetry is about emotion  
I've got oodles of emotion  
Contrary to what you may have heard  
Dyin' ain't easy  
Even the regenerating is gross and upsetting

Hey, where is this poem being published?  
In a collection of Avengers poems?  
I'm an Avenger! I knew it.  
It's canon now.


	7. Peter Quill: Singalong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a riff on one of the songs from the GOTG 1 Soundtrack, "Spirit in the Sky."

When I die and they lay me to sleep  
Gonna go to a far galaxy  
When it’s time for me to die  
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky  
Goin’ up to the spirit in the sky  
That’s where I’m gonna go when I die  
When I die and then my spirit’s free t  
Gonna go to a far galaxy

 

Prepare yourself, you know to travel  
Gotta have a friend in Marvel  
So you know that when you die  
She's gonna recommend you  
To the spirit in the sky  
Gonna recommend you  
To the spirit in the sky  
That's where you're gonna go when you die  
When you die and they lay you to sleep  
You're gonna go to a far galaxy


	8. Vision: Kissing the Scarlet Witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlet Witch is a compelling character but the Avengers movies have not spent very much time on her compared to other characters. I wanted to explore her character in a short poem, written from the point of view of Vision, a character infatuated with her.

Kissing the Scarlet Witch

unassuming  
humble  
she does not have the proud bearing of royalty  
or even a soldier

touching her hand  
I already suspected  
not electricity  
not softness  
something mystical

in her eyes too  
a redness that isn't blood  
but also not different from blood  
a unique life force

kissing her  
unlike any other woman  
my knees weak  
feeling as if hurdling through a sinkhole  
as if drowning in a deep lake  
and resisting  
if only to stay upright

closing my mouth  
opening my eyes  
to see this petite, shy woman  
at my side


	9. Thor: Heaven's Hammer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor reflects on the reasons that make him fight alongside the other Avengers.

Nowhere is like Asgard.  
Not a luxury hotel  
Not a picturesque country farm  
Not even a spot on another planet -  
Only Asgard is Asgard.

Perhaps even my wayward brother  
the trickster, Loki  
sees this much.  
Our home is special.

When I fight alongside other heroes  
I believe my home is the fairest  
And they believe it is their home  
Avengers never fight for a piece of soil  
Rather for the home in all of our hearts.


	10. Jiffy Interview with Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I kinda like these short chapters but I'm all out of poetry. This piece is a different format - an interview. It's not something you typically see on Archive of Our Own but it's the same Avengers characters you know and love. Since it's a new format, I picked a character that I know particularly well - Iron Man.

Jiffy Interview with Tony Stark

Adam Jiffy: To warm up, let's do a couple really quick ones. Don't think. Just say whatever comes into your head first. Coffee or tea?

Tony Stark: Coffee

AJ: Bread or rice?

TS: Bread all the way.

AJ: Boxers or briefs?

TS: Boxers.

AJ: Ha. Where in the world would you most like to go?

TS: Except for a few spots that are unpopulated, I've been just about everywhere. But the place I like to visit the most is Bali. Pretty beaches.

AJ: Are you more your like your mom or like your dad?

TS: Oh my dad for sure. And that's unfortunate for the people in my life. Mom was kind and loyal. But Dad was a genius. 

AJ: Most embarrassing moment?

TS: One time, I was, wait, scratch that. Back in Prep School, I had a crush on a girl named Cindy Stevens. We were in a speech class together. The project was to give a speech on a person you admired. I picked Saint Valentine and argued that you should be willing to do anything for love. At the end, I asked Cindy if she would go to prom with me. Cindy said I was a great guy but she was a lesbian. Then she gave a speech on someone she admired, Ellen DeGeneres. 

AJ: Ouch, that had to hurt. But it seems like maybe you were about to tell a different story?

TS: Let's keep moving, Champ.

AJ: You struggled in the past with alcoholism. How did you get sober?

TS: Sure, I can talk about that. I looked hard at the reasons why I was drinking. I wanted to relax, I wanted to hide from my feelings, and I wanted to forget mistakes I'd made. Then I looked at my reasons to stop drinking. I wanted my family and friends to be safe around. I certainly didn't want to ruin any expensive machinery while drunk.

AJ: Expensive machinery? Do you mean you were drunk in an Iron Man suit?

TS: Ha ha. No, of course not. I have an elite crew of technicians and support staff that would never let that happen. What I meant is that I often visit the production floor at my company so I have to make sure I'm always sober when I do that.

AJ: Aside from yourself, who do you think is the Avenger with the best sense of humor?

TS: Rocket Raccoon

AJ: Seriously?

TS: He does a bang-up impression of Peter Quill, complete with song lyrics, and dance moves. Cracks me up.

AJ: It's been a pleasure getting to know you, Mr. Stark.

TS: My friends call me Tony.

AJ: It's been a pleasure, Tony.

TS: I never said you were my friend. (Winking)


	11. Jiffy Interview with Black Panther

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've never done a Black Panther drabble before so here's one.

Jiffy Interview with T'Challa, Black Panther

 

Adam Jiffy: It is such an honor to interview you, um, Your Highness.

BP: Please, Adam, just call me T'Challa. There is no need for such formality when matters of state are not concerned.

AJ: Right. T'Challa, do you prefer chicken or fish?

BP: Have you prepared a meal for us?

AJ: Oh no. It's just a way for me to get started. I begin with light questions and then go to heavier ones.

BP: Ah, I see. That is quite clever. I very much enjoy the taste of grilled chicken so I choose chicken.

AJ: Do you prefer brown eyes or blue eyes?

BP: Brown, of course brown. No one can match the dark-eyed, dark-haired women of Wakanda for beauty.

AJ: Have you ever been attracted to a woman that was not from Wakanda?

BP: Adam, my friend, you are trying to get me into trouble. Men's eyes wander. I am a man. But my heart will always remain in Wakanda.

AJ: Could you share some favorite memories from childhood?

BP: You are changing subjects rapidly. It makes me rely on my quick wits. When I was a child, my parents would drink rum sometimes but forbade me to drink it. I saw an old man who would cut coconuts from a tree and make his own rum in a still. I watched him and watched him until I was sure I could do it myself. When it came to adding the sugar, I thought I would make the best rum by making it the sweetest rum ever. Well, I made it and drank it all, though it was terribly sweet. I felt good for a minute and then felt absolutely miserable. I thought this was rum. Years later, I realized that too much sugar prevents alcohol from forming so in reality, I had only had sweet coconut water.

AJ: If only you had unlocked the secret of extra-sweet rum, we might have Black Panther Rum now.

BP: Haha. A missed opportunity perhaps.

AJ: Do you have any addictions, not necessarily drugs, but something that you feel compelled to do?

BP: I love martial arts. I like feeling strong and appreciate the discipline. I am obsessed with cucumbers and eat them every day. Also, I quite enjoy reading Twitter posts.

AJ: I like cucumbers too. I'm surprised to hear you go on Twitter. What appeals to you about Twitter?

BP: You know, in Wakanda, everyone can tell a joke or a charming story. We do not have a professional class of comedians or actors. I happen to prefer the humor of simple folk. On Twitter, I do not follow celebrities, but rather people with typical jobs who happen to write jokes.

AJ: Wow, this has been wonderful. I have just one more question. Excluding yourself, who is the strongest Avenger?

BP: Even including myself, I would say Black Widow. Others may be able to lift more, yes. But she has an iron will and the strength of will is the true source of strength.

 

 


	12. Jiffy Interview with Rocket Raccoon

Jiffy Interview with Rocket Raccoon

 

AJ: Hiya, Rocket!

RR: Thrilled to be here.

AJ: What's your favorite food?

RR: My favorite food? Your first time meeting a talking raccoon cyborg from another planet, and you want to know my favorite food? Okay, I'll play along. Kree Fried Sea Locusts.

AJ: Never heard of that. What's it like?

RR: It's a bug, fried in igflower oil, and served with a berry reduction.

AJ: All right. You like guns, don't you? Do you have a secret to being a great shot?

RR: I aim slightly above my target to compensate for gravity. Oh, also, I've personally found that it helps if you have genetic enhancements to your senses and intelligence.

AJ: I read up on you and my information says that you're the last of your species. Is that true and if so, what is that like?

RR: Wow. Okay. You've gotta lotta nerve. As a child, I was kidnapped from my homeworld, wherever that was, by a group of deranged scientists. They did experiments on me to change my brain and my body. So I don't know where I come from. I don't know who I was. And it almost doesn't matter because those sadists totally changed who I am so even if I was something before, I'm not that anymore. So what do you THINK that feels like?

AJ: Uhhh. Sorry, bad question. Let's try this one. You haven't spent much time with many of the Avengers but you have met Thor. What do you think of Thor?

RR: Good guy.

AJ: This is supposed to be an 400-word article. Maybe give me a little more?

RR: He's tough but also smart. He seems to come from some kind of royalty or nobility, but he isn't full of himself. And he's absolutely deadly with weapons.

AJ: You're not really the trusting type, are you?

RR: There are people I trust and people I don't trust. It's a calculation.

AJ: What do you think you'd be doing if you weren't a Guardian of the Galaxy?

RR: It's not really what I think. I know this. I'd be a bounty hunter.

AJ: Isn't that catching fugitive criminals for money?

RR: Heck yeah.

AJ: Isn't that incredibly dangerous?

RR: Isn't it incredibly awesome?

AJ: Thank you, Rocket. You've been a great sport.

 


	13. Jiffy Interview of Captain America

Jiffy Interview with Captain America

 

Adam Jiffy: It is such an honor to interview you, Captain.

CA: Please, I'm just a guy from the Bronx.

AJ: What's your favorite drink?

CA: I was warned about you. You have oddball questions. But that's fine. I like chocolate milkshakes.

AJ: What about liquor? Beer?

CA: Sure, I'll have a beer now and then. But it doesn't beat a milkshake.

AJ: Do you have a hidden talent?

CA: Hmm. A hidden talent? I played clarinet for two years. Didn't keep it up at all. But I can still read music.

AJ: Do you have any siblings?

CA: Nope. I'm a typical spoiled only child. Well, my folks didn't spoil me with money but I got a lot of attention.

AJ: Your family had to work pretty hard to get by. Did that affect you?

CA: Not really. It wasn't easy, but we had it better than a lot of people.

AJ: You have memories of America going back to the 1920s, don't you?

CA: That's right.

AJ: Are there any changes that have been really surprising to you?

CA: ( _Laughs loudly_ ) Where do I even begin? Of course. Obviously there are the changes in technology like the internet, cell phones, and electric cars. The country is much more diverse than it was in the 20s. Food is wildly different.

AJ: Food is food, isn't it? How much could it change?

CA: Yes and no. In the 20s, we didn't have Flaming Hot Cheetos or Soy-Based Frozen Breakfast Sausages.

AJ: I don't know if you can answer this, but is there an Avenger you have an innocent crush on?

CA: Err, I'm going to do this like a politician. She knows I have tremendous respect for her as a fighter and a pilot, but setting that aside for a second, Captain Marvel is a fox.

AJ: Captain Marvel and Captain America - it's too perfect!

CA: Any more questions, Scoop?

AJ: I got what I needed. Thank you for your time.

 

 

 


	14. Tony Stark: Walking Without a Crutch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Man reflects on being 2 years sober.

My mind is clearer.

Tests say my liver is healthier.

I'm walking without a crutch now.

I hate the people who say they don't miss it at all.

Bullshit.

I absolutely miss it.

It's an ex-girlfriend that wore leather.

It's a candy they stopped making when you were 10.

I didn't have to remember the black days.

I worried less about being the most charming man in the room.

But it wasn't good for me.

JARVIS told me it had an 89.7% chance of killing me.

It wasn't good for the Avengers.

If you would have told me,

Meeting with 8 to 10 strangers,

In a church basement,

Could cure a disease that came close to killing me,

I would've said you're dumber than Starlord.

My real life started two years ago.


	15. Jiffy Interview with Thanos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, writing has been a struggle lately. Some of the reasons are good like a new relationship. Some of the reasons are not so good like sending out a bunch of resumes. 
> 
> For the moment I'm back and writing Marvel drabbles. Here Adam Jiffy, my journalist character, interviews Thanos, the Dark Lord, the Mad Titan, Grimace. We find out what candy Thanos likes, what he studied as a child, and what he thinks of Earth customs.

Jiffy Interview with Thanos

The building where Adam Jiffy works begins rattling. Drywall crumbles. Suddenly a purple giant crashes through the roof.

Adam Jiffy: Hey, what the heck is wrong with you? Who are you?

Thanos: I am known as Thanos the Titan.

AJ: Why are you here?

T: To be interviewed.

AJ: Excuse me?

T: You interviewed some of the Avengers. I want an interview too.

AJ: What if I say no?

T: I can force you to do things against your will. It would not be pleasant. Besides I am sure you will find me fascinating.

AJ: ( _sighs_ ) Fine. What is your favorite candy?

T: I like KitKat. I eat two pieces and throw the other two away.

AJ: Have you spent much time on Earth?

T: Oh yes, the Infinity Stones allow me to explore many worlds all throughout time. I can even explore alternate dimensions and realities. I've been to some pretty strange alternate Earths.

AJ: Really? Can you describe a few?

T: There was one where the world was ruled by sentient lizard people. There was another one where both men and women could give birth. Oh, and there was one where children fomented a global revolution and enslaved adults.

AJ: That gives me an idea. What was your childhood like?

T: My father was a scientist. He pushed me to spend most of my time gathering scientific knowledge.

AJ: Oh, weird. I sort of know what that's like. My father was a nephrologist, a kidney doctor. He wanted me to study science.

T: But you are a journalist. Did that bring shame on your family?

AJ: Nooo. Is there someone in your family that you are very close to?

T: I will not answer that. Next question.

AJ: I understand. What are. . .

T: Explain yourself, human.

AJ: Excuse me?

T: I refused to answer the question and you just capitulated. Why did you not attempt to get information from me?

AJ: Well that's just good manners. A person's family is a private domain, at least on this planet. Some people are reluctant to talk about their families because of a variety of emotional or health issues. It would be rude for me to violate your privacy or expose your family.

T: Interesting. This is not the custom on every planet, but I like it.

AJ: What are qualities you value in a person?

T: As you would likely expect, I value strength. Furthermore, I value honesty unless I need the person to engage in strategic deception. Above all, I look for unquestioning loyalty. Your performance has been adequate. It is time for me to leave.

AJ: Toodles.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Jiffy Interview with Captain Marvel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Marvel dishes about Dairy Queen, farting, and why she's not allowed to drive.

AJ: Rock or hip hop?

CM: Rock.

AJ: Comedies or dramas?

CM: Dramas

AJ: Can you remember a really embarrassing moment?

CM: This is a Kree story, so it may not make a whole lot of sense but I'll try to explain.

AJ: That's fine by me.

CM: I was sparring in hand-to-hand combat with a Kree in a tower. I don't like to be negative but honestly, the guy was kicking my ass. He kept saying things like, "You stink. You are a weakling. You defile this tower with your foul odor." He left his belly exposed and I gave him a powerful kick to the gut. And then I let out a nasty, rancid fart. I got demoted two ranks for that.

AJ: Which Avenger has the best taste?

CM: Taste? Like taste in food or music?

AJ: Overall, all of it.

CM: I sort of vibe with Ant-Man. He's into punk rock. He likes getting Dairy Queen. I get his jokes. I just find myself nodding a lot with him.

AJ: What's something that the Avengers do together that no one would expect?

CM: Hmm. There are some things I can think of but I'm not at liberty to say. Oh, we carpool a lot.

AJ: You carpool?

CM: If all of us are going to the same place, it's more efficient. Plus, some of us can't legally drive like me, Thor, and Rocket.

AJ: Okay, I can see why a raccoon can't drive but why not you or Thor?

CM: For Thor, it's simple - he isn't a U.S. citizen. We thought we could get him some kind of status in Norway because they used to worship him as a god, but it hasn't happened yet. For me, I was a U.S. citizen but then I left Earth for another planet and there's no legal precedent for that so they don't know what to do with me.


	17. Jiffy Interview with Black Widow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Widow talks about her sex appeal, taking martial arts, eating soup, and listening to Thor tell stories.

AJ: I start off with a couple really basic questions. I'll give you a choice and you should just reply back with your first reaction. Doughnuts or cookies?

BW: Doughnuts.

AJ: Bread or rice?

BW: Rice

AJ: Name a historical figure who inspires you.

BW: Mata Hari

AJ: Ooh, tell me more. She was a spy, wasn't she?

BW: She was a spy and a dancer. She leveraged her sex appeal to make herself a more powerful operative.

AJ: Have you ever used sex appeal like that?

BW: Of course. If a guy is stupid and easy to manipulate, I'm going to manipulate him. Gotta get the mission done.

AJ: Did you always get attention for your looks, going back to when you you were a kid?

BW: No. I was a tomboy. I was butch. Martial arts were amazing because they felt free and empowering.

AJ: What's the most embarrassing moment you can tell me about?

BW: ( _sighs_ ). Years ago, when I first met Steve, I mean, Captain America, my English wasn't that great and my Russian accent was heavy. SHIELD has this commissary where we would usually have lunch. I would see him and want to say something and I sensed he wanted to talk to me but it just felt awkward. One day, the lunch had a side of chicken noodle soup. I said to him, "Salt, please." He looked astonished and said, "She talks!" Of course, he passed the salt.

AJ: That's a good one. Since you brought him up, is Captain America too good to be true? Is there something the rest of us don't see about him?

BW: He's a very kind person. One thing, and I'm not sure this is a bad thing, is that he can get hurt and be sad about it but he doesn't let you know that he's sad.

AJ: Who is the best liar among the Avengers?

BW: Oh my god, it's absolutely Thor. We'll just be having downtime, and he starts telling a story. He describes the people, the landscape, the weather, and so on. There will be some monster or witch. And the story goes on for about an hour. It's just so detailed that it seems completely real. Then we started asking Loki about Thor's stories and he told us Thor makes them up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's more fun to come so why not subscribe?


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